It's been a long while since I last blogged. Not only I had nothing significant to write about, I had no time for it as well. But I am here now, sitting in front of my laptop in my room, knowing nothing certain about my future and life.
I haven't told anyone (except my two best friends) about my course and what I had done to my uni life. I didn't feel I need to explain because I am living my life, not someone else's. This is how I want my life to be, the only thing I feel apologetic, I am not spending my own money. All this great amount of fortune, comes from my parents rather than myself. Until now the only money I have earned myself was from the short Chinese-teaching job I had in London. Nonetheless I have quitted it cause it didn't adapted well to my routine.
However my life has been a mess right now. And I haven't got the slightest idea to organise it and to make it better for myself. I know of certain things which I don't like, but I don't know what I ACTUALLY want. My mum has been really prophetic on this. We talked over the phone a few days ago and she had (heartbreakingly, callously and realistically) accused me of splurging money on things which are obviously redundant.
Not true. Well, to some extend, true. This has been my notoriously bad habit (since I was young, again, according to my prophetic mum). But this time, I am pretty sure I won't regret doing this. It's just it has gone too complicated to be simply explicable. Although I am a loyal follower for sayings like "you are living your OWN life" or "what other people think of you has nothing to do with you", I still, think that I have to live a life that is acceptable and agreeable to my families and my (very few, authentic) best friends.
All these pressures, adding to the fact that I am a 20-to-be in a few months, have been really daunting. OK, I am a little bit exaggerated, but I really want to earn my own living as soon as possible, I don't want to just spend my parents' money on overly pricey (and unworthy) education and eventually graduate knowing nothing to do and having no plans about my future. I don't want to be such miserable. I don't have to be.
As much as I have been babbling about how good I will be and even though there are bullshits to others, I still think it's worth trying. Alas, I am 20, like others said I have nothing to lose, so if I fail after two years, I mean IF, I am still only 22. What if I try at the age of 25? or 28? That's too unrealistic.
Nonetheless these are just my mumblings and they are clearly not purposely written for a huge audience.
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