Of Future And The Life I Want

I keep hypnotizing myself that this is still far away.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I don't even want to be reminded of it.

Sometimes we don't get to make all the decisions and I have just painfully realized that.
I might be too old to be naive, but I still have dreams and hopes.
Not actually knowing what I want to do in the future, I am always confused.
Do I want to live the life designed by some other people?
Will I enjoy what I do if I go on the path laid out by others?
I don't really have answers for them now.

I have always imagined that everything will be sorted out when the right time comes.
It has become clear that this unfortunately is not the case.
To be completely fair and honest, I still need to figure out a lot of things.
Sometimes I just don't know how I should face everything when I no longer have any excuses.

I am going back home this summer and trying to silently figure out the answers to all of these.
It's true that Asian stereotypes are still going high and strong - your life is not just yours.
It's also your dad's, your mum's, you are sharing your life with your whole family.
You have to take into account their willingness and their opinions when you make decision.

Will I live the life I want (but still don't know yet)? Honestly, not really.
Will I live the life others want (maybe I will like it too)? Quite possibly.

I can't believe I am turning 21 really soon.
I better put my shit together and not disappoint anyone in my life.

Good luck.